Even If
by Character Death
Summary: Patrick Jane was a real-life example of someone brought to the edge and somehow managing to teeter there; even walk a few steps like a trained tight-rope walker.


_AN: sort of inspired by the Jane/Lisbon discussion in 'Red Moon' 3x09 (that is to say I recognised the link maybe halfway through writing this fic which frankly wrote itself -my outline was completely different, sigh-). It's short but frankly adding more to it would risk ruining it in my opinion. Anyone curious about any form of continuation to 'That's Why' i have done some writing for that, you'll just have to wait and see if i ever post it. Also to the anonymous reviewers of that fic if i could send a PM to you i would however i'll just have to thank you kindly for offering your opinion here instead and seeing as i'm in a good mood offer you each a virtual cookie._

_Disclaimer: you honestly think if i had anything to do with the writing of The Mentalist that Jane wouldn't of kissed Lisbon on the cheek by now? I thought not. Needless to say i don't own anything you recognise, hats off to Bruno Heller and all that. Oh and i think i should say that part of what i wrote was inspired by a quote by Helen Keller which i have always thought to be true: 'Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.'_

_Warning: a brief reference to Red Moon._

She'd often had trouble describing Patrick Jane to people. At least not without descending into a rant of some kind in which numerous words were used, many of which might in retrospect contradict one another. To describe him with one word, was something she found to be impossible. It would simplify him in such a way as to deny the complex entity that he without a doubt was.

Of course she could joke around that he was a permanent pain in her ass to be put up with due to his skill in solving cases. If it wasn't the complete truth it wasn't entirely false either.

Pretending he was simply a nuisance was a lot easier to deal with.

If she found herself thinking of him too often then she could quite easily blame his hatred of being ignored and his consequentially numerous interferences in her normal routine. When the office was virtually empty at the end of the day and she really got thinking about the enigma that was Patrick Jane, she wondered about what the future might hold, of what price would be had if he kept to his word and murdered Red John.

More than that she wondered whether when it really came down to it she'd be able to cuff him and send him off to jail. She'd never admit it aloud; to do so would be a display of weakness in itself, but she hoped beyond any doubt he wouldn't force her to make that decision.

For if he did, something told her she'd make the wrong one.

She got that he cared for her, for she equally cared for him; even if what held him together was the promise of revenge, even if she knew he'd be a mess whether he killed Red John or not.

Even if, when she was being completely honest with herself, she could see he was already a mess.

The conflicting nature of Patrick Jane felt as much a part of his identity as his childishness and three-piece suits.

She loved the damaged, mess of a man as he was.

Not that she would ever tell him that; at least not anytime soon.

His face normally calculative or lit up with a smile had moments when it was a portrait of suffering tightened up and withdrawn. Then not much later and returned to normal it became the very image of the overcoming of it. Patrick Jane was a real-life example of someone brought to the edge and somehow managing to teeter there; even walk a few steps like a trained tight-rope walker.

If that analogy involved the likelihood of falling she was quite game in ignoring that prospect entirely.

She wasn't going to let things end badly, she was Lisbon and she was in control.

Her mind conjured the image of her telling Jane to step away from the edge, and like a petulant child he pouted before moving away.

As long as she was there, no one was going to get killed.

_You know the reality will be different. Red John is mine and I will exact my revenge on him._

He didn't need to believe her for it to be the truth. She would stop him if she could and if he succeeded then, she'd do the right thing. She'd arrest him.

It was her duty to do that and she would do that if it became necessary.

Wouldn't she?


End file.
